The sharp-pitched and sometimes deep tone of your voice still replays itself in my head, asking if the solid black turtle neck — like the other ten you owned — is maganda ba?
These one-sided could-have-been conversations loop, and all I can wish for is to hear you for real one more time. But as the clock ticks, the memories of when our lives intertwined fade away with each sigh of acceptance.
What started as a splash in a puddle grew into a wreck too deep to stand in. The more I fight against the current to float, the more I am anchored to the bottom by what-if’s and maybe’s. And as the emptiness of the dark waters steal every last bit of innocent life from my tar-filled lungs, the lifeless weight of my body sinks into a wasted abyss of lost hope. I never did not know how swim.
They say your life flashes before your eyes when reaching the beginning of the end, but only a handful of snippets from an abandoned time flicker — like a strobe light — in front of mine. And as I’m anticipating the impact of this long yet fast drop, I remembered that quote you made me memorize for $5 long ago. “Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.” So, after falling for what feels like almost 1,460 feet, I relax every muscle and let Mother Nature take care of the rest.
Just go with the flow; the waves will calm down on its own.iPhone Notes – 06.16.15
My mind plays tricks on me, envisioning a future with you in it. Sometimes, I wonder whether this road I’ve taken is the one you had hoped for. And if not, better. It’s too soon to forget, yet also too late to still feel your presence — eyes wide open.
Sweet dreams, Mommy.